I realize no one is [...]]]> Is everyone in youth ministry having an affair? I’m overwhelmed by all the immoral stories that I’ve recently heard relating to our brothers and sisters in Christ who have fallen into inappropriate relationships. It kills me! But, much worse, it hurts the teenagers who look up to us as leaders.

I realize no one is beyond temptation and a significant fall can happen to anyone. But, come on…let’s raise the bar as youth workers and have higher expectations of ourselves and one another. It seems that a week doesn’t go by before I get another phone call or e-mail and hear of a youth worker getting either emotionally or physically involved with someone and hearing of the destruction of lives and ministry. This is an issue we need to talk about—it’s not only destroying the involved parties, it’s destroying churches, youth ministries and the kids we’re called to serve.

As I’ve been thinking of this newsletter, I’ve really been struggling with what to write about this subject. My frustration and anger wants to write a “let’s get our acts together” and “what are you thinking” letter. But, although there are a lot of youth workers trapped in their sin and deception right now, I’m guessing the majority need a “let’s be careful, wise and take protective measures” letter. So, that’s the direction I’m taking here.

Let me tell you what I’ve done to try to create some borders and boundaries around my life. I’m not suggesting this is “the” way to provide protection for your life, but it’s the way I’ve chosen to try to live safely and above reproach.

1. I invite accountability

Now accountability is a tricky word. It means nothing unless you’re honest. Most of the guys I know who have had major moral failure were in small groups. They just weren’t honest with their life. Accountability is only powerful when there’s honesty. Here’s a copy of a letter that I sent to seven guys who are around me all the time (at church, coaching my kids’ sports, neighbors, etc…). These are the main guys in my life.

Guys,

I know I’ve said this to you over the years (in some way or another)…but, let me put it in writing and make it official. You are the guys that I’m around the most or consider having the most access to my life. As Christian brothers, I want to give you permission to talk to me about any area of my life where you see I might be compromising (money, faith, parenting, relationships, marriage, etc…). I want to be an “open book” to you guys. I probably don’t need to even write this because I know you’d say something if you saw it. Anyway, I just wanted to make it official. Have at it!

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2. I’m never alone with a woman besides my wife

No car rides. No public restaurants. No door shut meetings. No elevator rides. Nothing. I realize some will perceive this as legalistic…okay…great…I’m legalistic—but, I’m safe(r). Most of my friends who have fallen into moral failure say that it began by spending significant alone time with another person.

3. My wife has total access to my calendar decisions

With 25 years of youth ministry and 20 years of marriage I’ve learned that Cathy wants to know and needs to know what’s happening within the church calendar and my personal calendar. Often, the last thing I want to talk about when I get home is church/ministry stuff. By her having final say on the calendar items that relate to my time (events, travel, etc…) and our family time (how many nights out, what are the kids doing, etc…) it keeps her “in the know” as to how I spend my time and with who. This may not seem like a protective hedge, but it’s a big one for us.

4. I have a list of people I would hurt with moral failure

It’s a long list. Actually, you’re on the list. You may not be hurt if I tanked my life, but I actually believe I would let a lot of youth workers down. Why? Because I’m let down when youth workers fall that I don’t even know. That’s what the Body of Christ does…we grieve for one another.

Over Christmas break, I helped a neighbor re-do a roof. I’m still sore. It was a terrible and painful two days—I hated that work. I told my wife, “I’ve got to add that kind of work to my list. If I ever had to leave ministry I don’t want to work that hard.”

5. I try to spend regular time with God

I know this sounds like the right thing to write in a newsletter…but, it’s more than the right answer, it’s the right action. When I’m in God’s presence I am reminded how powerful He is and how fallible I am. I’m drawn to beg for strength, wisdom and power to live His way…and not screw up the incredible privilege he has given me to minister.

I wish I could have a personal conversation with every youth worker who is on the verge of getting caught, diving into temptation or just flirting with possibilities. But, I can’t. If that describes you…please quit hiding, get found and begin the healing process before more damage is done to the Body…and specifically to students.

Review by: Dave Keehn, Associate Professor, Christian Ministries, Biola University, La Mirda, CA.  & Pastor to Youth at South Shores Church, Dana Point, CA.

Patrick Lencioni has made his mark on the [...]]]> Getting Naked: A business fable about shedding the three fears that sabotage client loyalty. By Patrick Lencioni. (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. 2010. 220pp. $14.10. hardcover.)

Review by: Dave Keehn, Associate Professor, Christian Ministries, Biola University, La Mirda, CA.  & Pastor to Youth at South Shores Church, Dana Point, CA.

Patrick Lencioni has made his mark on the Business Leadership world through insightful modern-day parables that teach key principals on team empowerment and customer development.  Lencioni’s latest book, Getting Naked, is another quick read that allows a busy leader to recognize a powerful leadership concept in a few hours, yet providing months of team-building discussions for full implementation.  Getting Naked starts as a fable, a compelling story that allows the reader to see the principal develop within a realistic context, and then adds a few condensed pages at the end to summarize the key steps for business practices.  While a reader could skip to the very end and read the final 18 pages to learn the principals Lencioni advocates for, the true impact of these practices are best understood in light of the engaging story which grounds them to real world application.  This fable is centered in the business world but it is very applicable to non-profit organizations and ministries as these leaders more often must seek to serve their clients and build loyalty through trust.  Lencioni seeks to expose the fears that prevent leaders from developing trusting relationships, limiting effective long-term growth for all involved.  These are very real fears that dictate business decisions and practices, which have been exacerbated by a recession-economy and a national 10% unemployment rate.

The first fear is “losing the business” (p. 153, 197).  This fear drives leaders to do whatever it takes to keep the business, “causing us to avoid doing the difficult things that engender loyalty and trust with the people we are trying to serve” (p. 197-198).  In non-profit and ministry organizations, this fear of losing our constituents results in programs that appeal to the mass public but may not be truly effective or needed.  Lencioni points out that leaders who shed this fear are “so focused on saying and doing whatever is in the best interest of the clients that they stop worrying about the repercussions” (p. 154).  One practical application for the business leader is to stop selling and start addressing the problems of their clients (p. 86).  Lencioni believes that clients who believe we have their best interest as our focus will pay for such service, even though some may take advantage of such behavior.  For ministry leaders, an implementation would be to seek to help our volunteers grow and holistically thrive as we utilize their skills and time to enhance our programs.  This may require us to allow volunteers to move on from our program to give of themselves to another ministry that better fits their giftedness or passion.  The fear of “losing the business” keeps a leader only thinking about his or her program’s needs while shedding this fear prompts a leader to focus on the needs of the people he or she is serving.  Another practice of a leader who is not afraid to “lose the business” is they speak the truth in love, even when it’s not popular to say or comfortable to hear (p. 157-160).  The focus again is the client who needs to hear the truth; Lencioni believes clients will eventually be “glad someone cares enough about them to be honest” (p. 159).  Once again, the focus is the client’s need not the business, which prompts this vulnerable service.

I believe Lencioni’s remaining two fears are connected, the “fear of being embarrassed” (p. 162, 198) and the “fear of feeling inferior” (p. 172, 199).  Both of these fears are rooted in a leader’s pride (p. 199).  The fear of being embarrassed will prevent a leader from asking questions when lacking knowledge.  Pride will not allow a leader to quickly admit a mistake and move on.  Ego will seek to “preserve our sense of importance and social standing relative to a client” (p. 199).  Once again, vulnerable service is the key to a leader getting rid of these fears.  Lencioni insists that admitting our weaknesses (lack of knowledge in some areas) and our mistakes is crucial to developing and maintaining trust with the client.

Naked service providers throw their full attention into the world of the client.  They do not try to shift attention to themselves and their level of experience or knowledge; rather, they make it clear that their focus is on understanding, honoring, and supporting the business of the client. (p. 211)

As a pastoral leader, I have found my Biblical messages and program initiatives are always received best when I am honest about my spiritual journey, confessing both my struggles and discoveries.  When I expose my heart to my followers, they are much more willing to trust me and follow my direction than if I continued to exude a false sense of power.

A willingness to be vulnerable is at the epicenter of Lencioni’s principal.  The value of vulnerability to business is “there is no better way to earn a person’s trust than by putting ourselves in a position of unprotected weakness and demonstrating that we believe they will support us” (p. vii).  Lencioni highlights the dynamic of relationships within the business world, moving from a transaction-based exchange (services for money) to relationship-enhancement encounter (one person helping another).  For a leader to embrace the concept of vulnerability as strength, they must take the focus off of their business potential and instead make the client’s need the priority.  While all leaders may seek to improve the situation for their clients (organization), must of them would not admit their weaknesses out of fear of losing the respect for those who look to them for guidance.   One of the benefits Lencioni cites for vulnerable service is “that it puts us in a position to more effectively help our clients” (p. ix), which results in higher customer loyalty and endorsements.

An auxiliary benefit from Getting Naked is Lencioni models his method of consulting with new organizations.  For those who spend time coaching other leaders, the process of asking a series of questions first, without seeking to fix anything or impose our model, provides a stronger beginning to the consulting experience.  Lencioni’s fable characters also model the “consultant as teacher” component, providing a healthy foundation of knowledge to guide future conversations.  Once again, this strategic teaching is not to immediately fix the organization but rather to provide parameters for desired outcomes. The ministry leader will recognize “vulnerable service” as the foundation to Servant Leadership practices.  This process is extremely valuable to a leader beginning tenure at a new ministry; asking lots of questions and teaching values of a healthy organization will keep the focus on transforming culture rather than over-hauling program.  Existing team members may feel threatened when new leadership arrives, but vulnerable service is a strong method to create loyalty to the new paradigm while building upon the strengths of the past.

While some readers may scoff at the simplicity of the Lencioni’s fable and thus demean the impact of this book, the principals that Lencioni quickly summarizes in the last section cannot be under-valued.  Lencioni’s praxis may be counter to business-culture, but they will allow fear to be shed and empower both the leader and the organization.  My recommendation to the over-worked business executive or harried leader is to pack Getting Naked into your briefcase for your next business trip.  You’ll be able to read this book between the flight’s take off and landing, it will be as enjoyable as any in-flight movie, and I guarantee that it will cause you to re-examine your own fear-based practices and consider how to live in the naked truth of what you truly have to offer: yourself fully engaged for the sake of another person.

Is my calling sure?

Is my vision clear? (It’s my [...]]]> Each January I reflect on the previous year and look toward a new one.  These are a few questions I stole from a ministry leader years ago that facilitate the process.  Perhaps  you’ll be motivated to carve out the time to LEAD yourself and refect!

Is my calling sure?

Is my vision clear? (It’s my responsibility to keep it clear)

Is my passion burning hot?  Does it ignite others around me?

Is my character fully submitted to God’s truth?

Is my pride subdued?

Are my fears at bay?

Is my psychological baggage affecting decisions?

Are my ears open to the whispers of God’s Spirit?

Is my pace sustainable?

Is my heart for God increasing or decreasing?

It was an ordinary day for two ordinary men. Peter and John, Jesus’ disciples, were on their way [...]]]> “Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as you ever can.”- John Wesley

It was an ordinary day for two ordinary men. Peter and John, Jesus’ disciples, were on their way to the temple at the time of intercession. The sun shined bright as they walked toward the temple gates. Their expectations were to go to “church” for the purpose of prayer but God had a different plan in mind…

“Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them” (Acts 3: 2-5).

As we already can see no day is ordinary for the followers of Christ. Peter and John went to the temple for a purpose, to pray. They were simply on their way to church until an opportunity arose which caused them to stop. It wasn’t at the temple that they found a miracle waiting to happen; it was at the temple gates.  It was outside of the “church” that something incredible was about to take place. Let us continue reading…

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.”Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk.” (Acts 3:6-8).

The crippled man approached the gate daily with the mindset that money would make his life easier.  Peter discerned differently. He knew that the beggar could not be made well with money; he needed a miracle.  This crippled man needed to walk and when Peter took him by the hand that is just what he did, walked. Because of this wonder, “all the people were astonished and came running to them in the place called Solomon’s Colonnade… many who heard the message believed, and the number of men grew to about five thousand” (Acts 3:11, 4:4). One man’s testimony brought about the salvation of many. On this ordinary day there occurred a supernatural experience. What can we learn about evangelism from this biblical account?

First, we were all crippled at one time in our life. We can never forget the place from which Christ delivered us. The Bible tells us that none of us are righteous of our own accord. None can claim that they are without blemish or can confidently say that “we have it all together”. We are simply men and women who have been washed in the blood of Christ and filled with His Holy presence. Our power lies in the word of our testimony.  It is only a person who has been crippled that is able to speak to the same condition.  In order to successfully evangelize we can never forget the spiritual condition we were in before Christ found us, washed us and had given us a new Spirit. This is the manifold wisdom of God; clothing ourselves in the gospel message. Our lives claiming that He is alive!

Never forget the broken pieces of your life that God put back together. Whether it was your faith that was wavering; or the countless sins that you would be embarrassed to share; your salvation is a testament to God’s saving power.

Secondly, the crippled beggar did not get to the gate by himself; he was carried there. The word carry can have many definitions but the description I choose to focus on is “to bear the burden, weight and or sustain.” Many times we use our church as a medium to salvation. We urge our congregations to go and encourage loved ones to attend church for the purpose of hearing the gospel message. We invite them to different events, hoping that one might come to Christ. But what has happened to us “carrying” our loved ones, neighbors, co-workers and even the stranger to the cross. We can no longer be satisfied with inviting people to church we must “bear the burden, weight and or sustain” them to the point of their miracle. These are the few ways in which we can carry others:

•Prayer and Fasting: Prayer and fasting equate sacrifice. In our sacrifice, we are acknowledging our desperation. We know that only God can change and transform a human heart; recognizing we cannot win spiritual victories while using carnal weapons. Ask yourself; is it not worth the sacrifice?

•Quality time: When you spend time with a person you build relationship. Relationships allow for sharing and bring about trust between one individual to another. When a person can trust you then they are willing to hear what you have to say.  People need to see Jesus and they are looking for Him in us. In your quality time spent look to make Christ attractive to others by being His hands extended.

•Commitment:  We need to be committed to the mission. Not everyone moves at the pace we do. Some people will hear the gospel and come to Christ right away. Others may take a few weeks, months and lastly years before they make a commitment.  Be patient and be willing to carry someone until they are able to walk on their own.

People are in need of Jesus; not another event, meeting or production. They are desperate for an encounter with Christ that has no monetary value. It’s priceless!  Remember God honors expectation and can meet a need that no one else could fulfill.

Finally, even though Peter had no money he trusted God’s sovereignty. All he possessed was the name of Jesus and faith which was enough to make the lame man walk. In the same way, it is in the blood of the lamb and in the word of our testimony that we tap into God’s power.  We must testify of what we have seen, heard, experienced and lived through so that someone else might be delivered.

It would be a tragedy if the people of God remained silent. We cannot love our reputations and status so much that we shrink back from witnessing. If you find that you are fearful pray for boldness and never forget that the gospel belongs to the streets. Go out! Take the gospel and represent it in your life so that it becomes tangible for those that hear your message.

It is not the Church’s business in this world to simply make the present condition more bearable; the task of the Church is to release here on earth the redemptive work of God in Christ.”-La Sor

Let us fulfill our mission!

Pastor Adam Durso